On April 28, 2021, we found out, much to our surprise that we were expecting! We were shocked, but oh so excited. It’s amazing how seeing two little pink lines can immediately change everything in your world. The coming weeks were filled with excited but hushed conversations as we tried to keep it a secret from our 4 year old who wants to know (and share) everything, dreams about whether it was a boy or a girl, late night discussions about baby names, and all the hopes of a healthy baby. It was a bit crazy, 3 kids four and under and a baby on the way all while planning for an international move, but it was our crazy, and we didn’t want it any other way! Our hands were full, but our hearts were even fuller.

Our midwife scheduled an ultrasound to help us determine the due date since I was still nursing Ivy and hadn’t started my cycles back yet. We went for the appointment with so much joy and excitement. We would soon see our little baby! As soon as the image appeared on the screen, we knew there was something wrong. Even at the earliest scans, what we saw looked nothing like what we did with our other children. Another ultrasound and lab work would reveal that we had lost our baby in the very beginning of the pregnancy. We were heartbroken. So many hopes and dreams immediately crumbled. BUT GOD! He is always nigh to the brokenhearted. We left the hospital that day, holding one another, trying to hide our sobs from others walking around us. The coming weeks would hold many tears and prayers as we turned our plans over to God, trusting that He truly works all things together for His glory and our good. It was after the first ultrasound that I wrote this poem. Though we’ll never hold our baby in our arms, though we’ll never know if it was a boy or a girl, though we’ll never see our dreams come to fruition, this baby’s life was not a waste. Every life is precious, and every life has a purpose. God gave our baby life, and the full intent of His purpose for that baby will only be revealed in glory. But, this trial has changed us. It has strengthened our relationship with our Father and our relationship as a married couple. Though we hurt, we are thankful for the impact our baby has had on our lives. This baby drove us to the feet of our Saviour, and though I wish we’d come another way, I’m glad we were there because it’s my favorite place to be.

Sweet Baby, This poem is written in honor of your memory. We only knew about you for a few weeks, but the knowledge of you and our journey of being your parents has forever changed who we are and how we see our loving Saviour. We are so thankful that God entrusted you to us. Though your life was wrapped in sorrow, we know God will receive glory from His creation of you. One day, we will meet you in heaven. What a day that will be! Until then, we take comfort in knowing that all you’ll ever know is the bliss and delight of being with Jesus. What more could a parent ask for their child? We love you little one- forever and always. -Daddy and Mama